boys...what a waste

some boys are a complete and total waste of time. whether theyre just your guy friends or theyre one of those guys that you really care about, theres gonna be a day when you realize that they just really dont care about you. this is because guys work in a totally different ways than girls do. girls are filled with emotions and excitement and enthusism. boys are selfish. they only want two things...beer and vag. girls care about the time they get to spend with you. about what it is that the two of you are actually doing together. we want to have fun with you and we want you to enjoy our company. and in the words of cheap trick, "i want you to want me." this is totally correct. we want you to like us. we want you to think about us after weve already left. we want you to miss us. but the truth is you wont. none of that will even cross your mind. youll just keep hanging out with your bros and "pound brews" and maybe if we're lucky youll let your friends think u scored with us or something to that effect...some prize. i keep trying to convince myself that maybe this guys different. but youve never showed me i was right. youre probably with some other lucky girl right now whos thinking the same thing i am. poor girl. we never learn.

shoulder angel

have you ever had the feeling? my mother , ever since i could remember as a child, has referred to it as her "shoulder angel." its the little nudge of subconsciousness. it gives you the feeling of "this is awesome!" or "wow, i am a dumbass, why am i doing this?" im sure you must get that feeling from time to time. im sure every one does. some times its that flirty text message, you send it and "what if my bf got a txt like that from another girl?" crosses your mind. we find ourselves in the grey area of "double-standards." maybe you plan on a sane night, then you see that bottle on the counter...why not. maybe its a hug that lingers just a little too long. a stare. a smile. a giggle. but what happens when we find ourselves in these types of situations, thinking "who cares?" is that really that bad? are we simply having a lapse of judgement? or has our shoulder angel simply taken a break? when we are on a strict diet, and find ourselves finishing that entire butterfinger candy bar. using a few too many ";)" in those txts to those guys that are "just friends"...keep telling yourself that. do you ever tell yourself "just one more -- just one more!" but how about when something you shouldnt do feels sooo good? when your phone lights up with that amazing phrase...NEW TXT. a sip, or two. a puff. a kiss. a caress. using your peak minutes even though you know you shouldnt. doing 60 in a 35, windows down, music blaring. if you agree to any of this, dont feel bad. youre just like me. and thats prob why we like eachother so much :)

this ones for you

so its almost midnight and im sitting im my room on the computer, networking, the usual lmao. plus im sippin on some sizzurp lol which helps with my chill-level. im jamming this new Drake song-im so obsessed with it. in the song he says, "baby, you my everything, you all ive ever wanted. we could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it...i want this forever...and i say the same thing every single time: you the fuckin best, the best i ever had." wow. ive got it on repeat and im just dancin around my room listening to it. it got me thinking; my life is so effing amazing. like if only people knew, theyd hate me. my boyfriend/fiance is the single greatest thing that has ever happened or ever will happen to me. he leaves me breathless. its taken some trials for me to figure this out. theres so many sexy guys out there but none that rock my world like this one. my only wish is that ever girl could be as happyas i am and feel the way i do about him. my bestfriend is on the otherside of the world. but shes got her boo with her and they couldnt be any more perfect. it makes me happy when other people find love, not flings, or crushes, or hook-ups. im talking truely unconditional love. (it goes silent when he kisses you. your body goes limp when he holds you. you would do the most miserable things imaginable just to spend a few minutes with them at the end of the day. the thought of losing them makes you want to die. and you cant forget those soft gentle touches that make your day perfect. your heart skips a beat when you get that text. they way they say 'i love you.' the way you could spend the whole day with them and kiss them for hours but it still sucks to say goodbye. yay, im talking about that kind of relationship.) i hate when i see people stuck in relationships with people that they arent utterly in love with. its such a waste. and i should know!~been there~done that~ if youre not getting treated like a princess-get out! lifes too short for that shiz. my advice? be with someone who thinks youre the single greatest person who ever lived. i am :)

my little phishy

its a big big world, and somehow you still ended up in my tank. and you made a big splash. an unexpected one, but refreshing to say the least. ive never seen you in any other tank but just once. so i cannot say whether you would appear any different to me then when your scales glistened in the sun on that beautiful, exciting day we first met. ive tried to watch you swim about, but its hard to do. you are rare and i appreciate you in so many ways. sometimes i wonder how the other fish would feel if they knew. but they dont know, so how am i susposed to feel any differently? would i even feel differently if they did? i am still asking myself this everyday. it doesnt make me care about them any less. it just makes you stand out even more. for the meantime, my little phishy, you are what you are. a treasure in a far off pond which i will never be able to gaze upon again. but you will always be special to me.

artful inquiries

during some of my summer vacation time, i found myself strolling the streets of california. with more malls and plazas than the day is long, one may never find themselves bored. after viewing several galleries with my aunt and uncle, i began to notice their distain for the "art." my uncle would stand in front of a piece for a few minutes and then just huff and roll his eyes. my uncle, who has a degree in art history finally explained to me, " theres a point in life when people need to realize the difference between "art" and things that are just "home decor." real art takes years to perfect. real art has been touched by the hands of the artist-theres of piece of them in every single work. i just wish people could understand that...all of these things are just home decor, mass produced. you cant just slap a frame on something and call it art! when you look at true art it mistifies you, makes you not be able to look away. and for a few seconds, it makes you forget everything that you we thinking about 30 seconds ago when you were looking at another piece....its a gift really." usually at this point i would interject, but i found myself in silence and in total agreement with everything he had said. this type of insight can only come with age. i appreciated the moment with him...
later in the week, i was reading a book to the effect of if "in her shoes" and "the devil wears prada" had a book love child; haha, i loved it. in this book, the main character falls for a young cliche trust-fund boy who will inherit his fathers art gallery. through out the book, they converse about art and such. in one chapter she asks herself: " is art really art if no one ever sees it?" this statement left me thinking for a few minutes. i found myslef not able to continue reading. its kinda like when people create such amazing contrubutions, and never receive praise for it, until either its too late to matter then have already passed away. and so ive had that in my head all day. and it inspired me to do this blog crap. so your welcome :)